Parenting Pangs

PARENTING PANGS
Dr. Aradhana Sharma

In this era of technological advancement, a new gizmo hits the market every passing day. The change is so rapid that the transition goes undetected. In an attempt to keep pace with the change, humans lose out on the essentials. These are essentials that account for ‘a happy and healthy life’.
In the process, happiness today has acquired a different definition. Happiness is being interpreted as consumption – the more access one has to the latest, the happier he/she is. With changing definitions of happiness, material fulfillment tends to take on more importance in the priority lists than social and emotional accomplishments.
Material possessions have been salient features for placing people on the happiness scale since time immemorial, but with the rapid pace of development the list has grown manifold. For adults today who have been brought up in a ‘slower era’, foundations are still deep rooted and the distinction between good and bad , essential and luxury, necessary /need and extravagance- is easy to make. Worst hit are the youngsters who are being brought up in an ever changing environment. The poor things do not get a chance to learn these evaluations. For them what they see is true. There is no difference between essential and luxury – for them luxury is essential, and extravagance is necessary.

In such prevailing circumstances, parents face problems of indiscipline/ failure to be able to bring about any sense of discipline and responsibility- because what needs to work as an incentive for duties fulfilled- are bare essentials. These days it has become the parents’ obligation to provide them with the best of everything- food, clothing, shelter and the infrastructure, along with education and entertainment (with regular upgrading with the latest technological aids) for a good upbringing of the child. Not only do the children demand such facilities, the parents feel incapacitated by the inability /failure to do so.
In the process, the whole essence of parenting is lost.

Parenting means- nurturing in the child the strength – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual – to be able to combat any situation in life and be able to conquer it. Teaching them to face problems, be motivated for higher goals in life, to be able to face frustrating and conflicting situations and not succumb to the pressures, to be able to enjoy whatever comes through in life out of their own effort. As Abraham Lincoln once wrote to the Headmaster of the school where his son was studying-

“In school, teach him that it is far more honourable to fail than to cheat. Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him that they are wrong. Try to give him the strength not to follow the crowd when every one is getting on the bandwagon. Teach him to listen to all men, but teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth, and take only the good that comes through. Teach him how to laugh when he is sad. Teach him there is no shame in tears. Teach him to close his ears to howling mob, and to stand and fight if he thinks he is right. Treat him gently, but do not cuddle him, because only the test of fire makes fine steel. Let him have the courage to be impatient, let him have the patience to be brave. Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself too because then he will always have faith in mankind and global society. Then only he will become a true citizen of global society.”

If we as parents keep providing them with the best of everything without their demanding it, each of those things loses its incentive value resulting in a lowered motivation for its maintenance.

There is a set time and place for everything. As parents it is our duty to take care of the dietary and nutritional needs of our children. We do that in different ways at different times throughout the day – planning the child’s meals from breakfast to dinner.
Do you ever stuff your child with 2 glasses of milk, 4 chapattis, 2 bowls of vegetables, rice, curd, fruits, snacks and 2 liters of water at one go at the beginning of the day?
Why?
You plan the meal in such a manner that your child gets every nutrient in the right measure well spaced through out the day and suiting the palate of your child. So that your child can enjoy those things when they come at a time when they can appreciate and relish them. One can enjoy water only when one is thirsty, otherwise drinking even half a glass can be a punishment.
Likewise there are different times in the life span of an individual when they can understand and enjoy different things and events. They need not be stuffed down their throats too early in life on the pretext of providing them with the best.

Parenting is the art of being able to balance what, when and how much is essential for your child and of checking one’s own behavior rather than the child’s.