Do it Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered

forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives

be kind anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people cheat you,

be honest & frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone can destroy overnight

build anyway.

If you find serenity & happiness they may be jealous

be happy anyway.

The good you do today people will often forget tomorrow

do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough

give the world the best you've got anyway.

************************

Do all the good you can

By all the means you can

In all the ways you can

In all the places you can

To all the people you can

As long as you ever can.

John Wesley

We are what we think

How Attitude Affects Us

 

Before we can achieve the kind of life we want, we must think, act, walk, talk, and conduct ourselves in ways characteristic of who we ultimately wish to become.

 

Our attitude at the beginning of a job will affect the outcome of the job more than anything else.

 

Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude toward us.

 

Our attitude toward others will determine their attitude toward us.

 

Holding successful, positive thoughts in our minds will make all the difference in the world.

 

If we always make a person feel needed, important, and appreciated, he or she will return this attitude to us.

 

Part of a good attitude is to look for the best in new ideas. So look for good ideas everywhere....in books, in travel, out of the innocent mouths of children.

 

Radiate the attitude of well-being. Don't be embarrassed to share visions, desires, and goals.

 

Treat everyone with whom you come in contact as a fellow member of the human race - with all the rights, duties, and privileges thereof. The Golden Rule still applies: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Adapted from: Motivation to Last a Lifetime

Summer Camp for children

IIts been a very long time since I wrote on my blog. I would like to share with you my experiences of a 15 day workshop that we (I and a fellow psychologist- Dr. Priyanka Goenka) held for children in Rohini and Pitam pura, Delhi. It was a learning experience not just for the participants but also for us as facilitators.

We had a fairly good attendance considering that it was our first attempt.

The focus of the workshop was on :-

1. Enhancing self confidence in children.
   
2. Teaching them sharing and team building.
   
3. Developing social skills and etiquettes.
   
4. Self control through anger management.
   
5. Effective time management .
   
6. Behaviour management.
   

The children enjoyed the two hour session at the workshop. There were reports of more responsible and co operative behaviours from parents. We could demonstrate to the parents that through frequent rewarding and reinforcing desired behaviours can be evoked. Non material reinforcers were primarily used such as recognition of positive behaviour, appreciation and acknowledgement –through group clapping. We encouraged children to observe others' positive behaviours and report the same. This helped us emphasize the importance of positive remarking and social tolerance.

Getting the parents to enlist their children's assets helped us bring their attention to how we overlook their positive qualities and focus on the negatives thus harming the self image and confidence in themselves.

The whole exercise helped us highlight to the parents and caretakers the importance of giving a free rein to children when it is most required. Helping them make decisions about small things that are of importance and benefit to them and letting them think independently to ensure a happy and stress free future for them.

What is Success?

Today I'll like to share something good I read.

Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.

~ George Sheehan (1918 - 1993)

 

 

What is Success?

To laugh often and love much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the approval of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To give of one's self;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;

To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...

This is to have succeeded.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND WELL BEING

 

The whole world today is engulfed by strange feelings of alienation, fear and apprehension. Stress due to day-to-day hassles is compounded by the demands of the modern day world. Be it a hard core professional- manager, doctor, engineer, teacher or a student, homemaker or the common man on the streets, there are reports of people from every walk of life succumbing to the pressures, resulting in increased incidence of health problems and in extreme cases suicide and homicide. These are all signs of decreased ability of the body and mind to cope with the ever increasing demands of the modern times.

Most appalling is the fact that people with above average academic records, in reasonably good positions are crumbling- the so called 'intelligent' lot. Over the years of merit dominance, intelligence has lost its true meaning, to be restricted to – a mere ability to fare well in academics.

Experts believe that academic excellence is only the tip of the iceberg .When it comes to life success, IQ contributes only 20% to factors that determine life success, and rest of the 80% is attributed to by other factors. These other factors include the ability to motivate oneself, persist in the face of frustration, to control impulse and delay gratification( self control), ability to regulate one's moods and keep distress from swamping the ability to think and the ability to empathize and hope. This is what psychologists call 'emotional intelligence'.

Psychologists believe that intelligence is not a single entity. Rather there exist multiple intelligences which are independent of each other yet work together to provide solutions to problems. Along with the general ability to perceive, comprehend and think logically- self awareness- recognizing one's own and others' feelings, managing emotions and handling relationships are some of the components of EI.

While EI plays an important role in how far a person progresses in personal and professional life, it plays an equally important role in the physical and mental health of an individual. On the one hand there is loads of research to prove that negative emotions like anxiety, anger, apprehension, hopelessness, sadness and depression have a negative impact on physical health in terms increased proneness to blood pressure, heart ailments, breathing troubles and asthma, there is also evidence of lowered immunity and decreased resilience. On the other hand there is clear evidence of positive emotions (optimism, happiness and hope) helping people recover faster and less painfully from chronic and terminal illnesses.

Research has proved that our immune system is linked to our emotions via the influence of the hormones released under stress. The catecholamines (epinephrine and nor epinephrine), cortisol, prolactin and the natural opiates beta-endorphin and enkephalin are released during stress arousal. Each has a strong impact on the immune cells. When these hormones surge through the body, the functioning of the immune cells is hampered. Stress suppresses immunity at least temporarily while persistent stress has a longer lasting effect.

Positive thinking and good social relations have been proven time and again to avert or delay the onset of most known diseases. Why optimistic outlook has health consequences can be explained as- 1) pessimism leads to depression, which in turn interferes with the resistance of the immune system to tumors and infections, 2) pessimists tend to neglect themselves by not following medical regimes or by being careless about their health habits.

A positive and optimistic outlook towards life is learned early in life and is influenced by the emotional support extended by the family and friends.

Relaxation training can help patients deal with some of the distress their symptoms bring, as well as with emotions that may be triggering or exacerbating the symptoms.

Anger control training, ability to trust and the ability to see things from the other person's perspective (empathy) have a balming effect on the negative emotions.

The essence of the matter is that every individual is capable of understanding one's own emotions, monitoring one's responses and learning effective ways of handling relationship and adversities, to be able to lead a physically and mentally healthy life.

 

Dr. Aradhana Sharma can be contacted at: g.aradhana@gmail.com

 

Depression

 

Life for all of us is running in the fast track. 'There is no time to wait and watch' we are running on the unending road to nowhere. We have all felt a little low and been in the blues at one time or the other. What do you think depresses/makes us feel low- or why do we get depressed? The reason for depression is that we feel that we are not in control of the situation- the feeling of helplessness makes us low. Now that we have no control on the situations in the present, it gives us lesser scope for hope in the future! –thus aggravating the feeling to hopelessness. Helplessness and hopelessness are the two main reasons for depression. It is these feelings that lead to despair and low self worth. "When I'm incapable, not capable of doing anything- absolutely worthless, then there is no use of my living" this is what leads to suicidal thoughts and in many situations leads to the act. This is in short the dynamics of depression.

 

Now the question is -is the condition hereditary or environmental?

There is ample research evidence to show that it is hereditary BUT, although it may be a genetic endowment, it lays dormant unless triggered by some environmental factor. In the absence of the precipitating event a person would continue living a normal life. Secondly, environment has a major role to play in terms of the upbringing of the individual. By upbringing we mean the kind of attitudes, values and the lifestyle that one has learned.

Now you may say how are these things related to depression?

There is deep connection between our thought process and the symptoms of depression.

e.g. you get up in the morning to find that you have a flat tyre. (Scene 1) You know you'll get late for work – you may brood, kick around, curse the tyre, shout at who ever comes your way and while changing the tyre in desperation hurt yourself or lose a nut- further delaying yourself. You may gulp down your breakfast in haste or may skip on it. Frustrated as you were with the morning situation, you may start a bad day at work as well.

(Scene 2)- You know you'll be late for work- but that's out of your control now. You may think of an alternative- call a colleague, take a lift or take some form of public transport leaving the tyre to be attended to later or if there is no way out- try changing the tyre keeping your cool. You will in most probability do it less stressfully and in lesser time.

So, it is your reaction (due to your style of thinking) that makes the situation either a catastrophe or a minor barrier.

 

Depression in most situations arises from 'Frustration' – what is frustration? It is the feeling / reaction to situations when things do not happen/ occur the way we would like them to be. Why should things in the first place happen the way we want them to occur?

It is our need to be the master of all situations- our expectations from our environment- physical and social that triggers off frustration. Because our expectations are not fulfilled, we feel frustrated.

 

In order to understand what depresses us we need to understand our expectations from

1. Ourselves
   
2. Environment
   
   1. The physical environment- infrastructure, logistics etc.
      
   2. Others – our colleagues, spouse, children and everyone that we come in touch with.
      

 

We tend to think too much regarding what others are getting, feeling, thinking and doing and less on what we want, why, how to get it and what we are doing to get there.

We have a tendency to blame others for all the misgivings in our lives. This lack of responsibility and acceptance of our own thoughts and feelings results in undue unrest.

If only we could change our perspective and FOCUS on what we look forward to in life. This would automatically change the course of our thinking, feeling and action patterns.

 

On the contrary there are people (most prone to depression) who lack the sense of self- to the extent that they do things only to keep others happy and have no idea whatsoever as to what they want. Such people tend to take their inability to please the hard-to please others as a statement on their capability, and thus harbour feelings of inadequacy and low self worth, leading to lowered spirits.

To overcome this situation one needs to learn to be more communicative, assertive (not aggressive) about one's needs, desires and limitations. One needs to learn to organize one's days.

 

Time management is a key to most of the problems of the present day. Like we plan our meals, taking care that all kinds of nutrients are included in our and our family's diet, similarly we should learn to have a balance of work, play, meals, exercise and leisure in our daily routine. If we learn to prioritize- differentiating between the important and the urgent then we can lead stress free lives.

Have a Happy Holi

I wish all my readers a very happy holi. May this holi spread a plethora of colours in your lives and brighten your lives as the seven colours of the rainbow.

All education is redundant if not implanted when required.

Have a 'dry holi' .

Conserve WATER.

Spread the colours of LOVE.

Throw away the evils of Hatred and Anger.

Love

Aradhana