How to deal with a child who has started lying

There is a reason for all behaviors.
We act in any particular way, because stand to gain some thing.
Lying is an automatic response of most of us when we are in situations which we find difficult to handle or want to avoid.

When your child lies ,there is a good reason behind it. Either he wants to be exempted from doing something or he has done something knowingly or unknowingly, for which he will be punished or reprimanded.

Confronting the child is one way of handling but it usually backfires becoz when the person consistently denies, you are stuck. Even if you have evidence for your accusation, being caught and cornered may lower the self esteem of the child and/or arouse anger in the child.

One of the ways to handle lying and for that matter any negative situation is, focus on what you expect from the child, what should have been done- get it done eg. You want child to complete his school work and report whatever is done in class, check the almanac/ diary every day and keep a vigil on the child's activities.

Lying or any other undesirable behaviour is only an indication that you are not attending to your child enough.

Kindly don't panic- your child will not become anti social if lies or steals as a child. That could happen only if we don't do anything about it- he will learn it okay to trespass the boundaries.

Be very careful with the kind of words you use for and with your child- never ever use words with negative connotations.
Remember your child is just a child, learning the ways of the world and in the process is bound to make mistakes.
Help him learn from them.

Early detection and intervention in childhood disorders

Increasing trends in psychological illnesses and psychosomatic conditions and

somatization/ stress related disorders like hypertension and pulmonary heart diseases have over the years reiterated the need for early detection and intervention.

Early childhood behaviour  as has always been emphasised sets the tone for later behaviour- a well known saying in hindi language ' poot ke pauw palne mein nazar aana'-  future of a child is visible while she is still an infant, becomes equally relevant when we talk about difficult behaviour.

Psychologically, a lot of behaviour is learnt and is influenced by the social milieu and the interaction pattern of the family, peers and teachers with the concerned child. Early detection and reporting of difficulty helps identify faulty maintaining factors, inconsistencies in parenting patterns and other environmental aberrations. There have been instances where early identification and intervention has helped avert many a children from falling into the drudgery of hardcore psychiatric problems, on the other hand the lack or failure to do so has led to severe psychiatric conditions. There are a no. of cases where early identification has proved beneficial in making a child a part of the mainstream, I would like to point out a case ( many more would be there) where a 19 years old- being brought in with complaints of - reduced rather zero social interaction, disregard for personal hygiene,  repetitive talking ( echolalia) incoherence in speech - on drugs for OCD for the last 4 years . A detailed history revealed that  even as a child he found it difficult to cope with school work, communication skills with teachers and peers were poor, being a 'weak' child he was defended and indulged with by parents, when in class 7 he was bullied by some classmates , which resulted in school avoidance - instead of addressing the issue – he was moved from the school and sent to a hostel where things deteriorated further for demand of a certain degree of independence and self reliance- to be again withdrawn from the boarding and put on psychiatric drugs. As of now the child has very low self esteem, avoids social interaction and unable to function even at a minimum level without direction. He is always unsure of himself.

The importance of early identification cannot be emphasised enough in the light of the fact that besides some cases where there are genetic and/ or neurological / neurodevelopmental factors leading to psychological disturbances, many of the psychological disorders have roots in the psychosocial experiences during the course of growing up.

In this regard the awareness and acceptance regarding psychiatric illness needs to be worked on. There is a persistent need for spreading awareness regarding various aspects of personality building, communication and interaction patterns to parents, teachers and the society as a whole. It is very important to develop appropriate social skills, empathy, critical thinking, problem solving outlook and skills in children right from the beginning. Not only this, there is an increasing need to gear young adults towards positive and proactive parenting. Gone are the days when children just grew up- they need to be carefully groomed and reared . Gone are the days when the only source of information to kids were their families and teachers and within the family setup there was ample emotional support system to cater to the individual needs if not in the form of a parent , then at least in the form of a grandparent, uncle, aunt, cousin, older sibling. Today the child is influenced by information from all over the world yet has very scant approach for emotional support.

On the one hand while the access to information at a click of a button has made us more aware and well informed , the flip side is that it has made us hypersensitive to certain other aspects of our life. Growing awareness has made us more intolerant to deviation from the so called ‘normality’. This information overload poses more challenges and points out to us in a hundred ways our inadequacy  as individuals. Therefore a fine balance is the need of the hour. 

Guess Who Am I?????

Guess Who Am I?????

I am your constant companion.

I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden.

I will push you onward or drag you down to failure. 

I am completely at your command. 

Half the things you do might just as well be turned over to me and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly. 

I am easily managed––you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons I will do it automatically. 

I am the servant of all great people and, alas, of all failures, as well.

Those who are great, I have made great. 

Those who are failures, I have made failures. 

I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a person. You may run me for profit or run me for ruin –– if makes no difference to me.

Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you. 

Who am I?

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I am habit!

Note: A habit is a system that you have mastered through practice.

Seeds of Greatness

by Denis Waitley

I’ve traveled the world to the seven seas. I’ve been up at the top and down on my knees.

I’ve been blessed with abundance and plenty of weeds. But I’ve never stopped caring about others’ needs.

As you tend your own garden, unlike any other, remember the words of my lovely grandmother.

“If you’re hoping to harvest a life of great deeds, remember you first have to plant some great seeds.”

Happiness is Nowwwww

 We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

 We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are we able to go on a nice vacation, or when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

 Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with...and remember that time waits for no one.

 So, stop waiting....

 --until your car or home is paid off
 --until you get a new car or home
 --until your kids leave the house
 --until you go back to school
 --until you finish school
 --until you lose 10 lbs.
 --until you gain 10 lbs.
 --until you get married
 --until you get a divorce
 --until you have kids
 --until you retire
 --until summer
 --until spring
 --until winter
 --until fall
 --until you die

 There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So -- work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt, And dance like no one's watching.

Team work

There was a farmer who grew superior quality and award-winning corn.
Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won honor and
prizes.


One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learnt something
interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the
farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors'.


"How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors
when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the
reporter asked.


"Why sir, "said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen
from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my
neighbors grow inferior, sub-standard and poor quality corn,
cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am
to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."


The farmer gave a superb insight into the connectedness of life. His
corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves. So it is
in the other dimensions! Those who choose to be at harmony must help
their neighbors and colleagues to be at peace... Those who choose to
live well must help others to live well. The value of a life is measured
by the lives it touches.


SUCCESS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN ISOLATION. IT IS VERY OFTEN A PARTICIPATIVE
AND COLLECTIVE PROCESS.


So share the good practices, ideas, new learnings with your family, team
members, neighbors. All the Successes is a Team Work of a family, group,
enterprise, corporation... Infact TEAM as an acronym of letters T,E,A,M
T Together
E Everyone
A Achieves
M More